Small Moments

I have not written a blog post in quite some time. I have even been advised by some to remove it entirely – If you cannot keep a consistent posting frequency, Rebecca, you should probably stop writing blogs altogether. Clearly, I am taking this recommendation to heart…

But that’s just it. Societal standards are crippling. Judgments from others are overwhelming. The so-called “timeline” we are taught to follow is basically a load of crap.

In the most uncertain period of my life, why am I searching for external validation? I elicit the opinions of others to determine how I feel about myself. I landed the job interview with the prestigious company; great – I am succeeding. The guy from last night ghosted me; okay – I suck.

As I continue to self-reflect during the copious amount of free time I am now faced with, I try to understand where these beliefs are rooted. To be blunt, I attempt to fit my life into the box society has deemed acceptable – I aspire to have the latest fitness influencer’s body, I yearn for the LinkedIn job title of my former classmate, I covet the relationship of the recent Instagram-official couple.

I believe my feelings are not uncommon. To be a young adult is to question your life in comparison to others. I struggle to be secure in my choices. I am embarrassed that I have not yet acquired a full-time job. I fidget in my clothing while in the presence of others. I conceal my knowledge of popular culture and my love of reality TV on dates in an effort to appear more sophisticated.

Why are we wired this way? Why do we feel an unbearable amount of pressure to prove that our life mirrors what we see around us? What causes us to vie for the approval and acceptance of others, oftentimes at the expense of trusting our own intuition?

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I specifically want to speak on my effort to find a full-time, post-grad job. I have been in the continuous cycle that is researching, applying, and interviewing with companies, only to get rejected or ghosted, since April. I understand that to some, nine months may not seem like a while. This is the corporate world, Rebecca. Toughen up. Others’ circumstances are worse. You are lucky to live comfortably at home, roof overhead, while you go through the process. Regardless of how many times I repeat these truths to myself, I cannot help but feel discouraged. We are taught throughout our education that to succeed is to get good grades. We advance in our curriculum, placing less emphasis on learning than accomplishing. Western society has imposed on us the belief that happiness is living a goal-oriented existence. Achievement equals fulfillment.

I have always operated in alignment with this philosophy. I have tried to follow the pre-paved “path,” in every area of my life. After transferring colleges at the conclusion of my freshman year, I experienced my first taste of deviating from expectation. This time around, however, straying has proved much harder.

Candidly, not yet getting a job feels embarrassing. I crave routine. I seek certainty. After months of applying and losing hope shortly thereafter, I have begun to question my method. Maybe I am not qualified enough? I could have demonstrated more confidence in that interview. I bet the other candidates expressed more creativity. Realistically though, these thoughts are not serving me. They are doubts floating in a deep pool of questions I will never find the answers to.

As I write this post in real-time, I have decided that my method is not at fault. Rather, it is my perspective. I have fallen victim to the Western achievement-based mentality I mentioned above. I have internalized that securing a job will bring me fulfillment. Do I still hope for this outcome? Certainly. However, I am now recognizing everything I have gained since April. I am operating from an abundance outlook instead of from limiting beliefs.

I see the confidence that continues to flourish within me as a result of preparing for and executing each interview. My answers arrive more quickly. I say “like” and “um” significantly less – Phew! I can finally navigate the standard “Tell me about yourself?” question with greater ease. I have also embraced my skill set and have found career paths which combine my abilities with my interests, such as popular culture, media, and consumer behavior. I have expanded my network, engaging in numerous phone calls with peers and mentors who have more experience and insight.

Above all, I have watched myself find an inner tenacity I did not know existed. Each rejection has served as a bump in the road – I was knocked down, but I eventually stood up stronger and more capable. Every interview project functioned as a creative demonstration, in which I proved to myself that I can produce work I take pride in. All of the phone calls and video conferences have provided me with nuggets of wisdom, as well as an opportunity to connect with others.

Although I am currently unemployed, I remain hopeful. I choose to focus on all I have gained instead of the months in which I have lost money and lacked a job title. Of course, this mindset is not always easy to maintain. I would love to receive external confirmation that I am on the “correct path.” Landing a job would feel extremely relieving and validating.

However, I remind myself this will happen eventually. While our external circumstances are bound to change (job title, relationship status, friend group, etc.), we will always be equipped with the internal lessons we accumulate through life’s experiences. I now understand that it is in my best interest to harness the bits and pieces I learn along each journey. Our day-to-day lives, although more mundane, are of greater importance than life’s big events, because it is in these small moments that we shape our character. It is in these moments that we become the best versions of ourselves, and therefore, the most fulfilled.